People often ask me what is "personal development". Simple, it's merely the exercise of becoming a better person on all levels.

For most, this is some vague idea that each day they are just getting "gooder". Unfortunately, human nature as it is, by default, people become more selfish, more manipulative, more deceitful as experience and knowledge makes it easier to pursue our own advantage and agenda while convincing ourselves otherwise.

To truly engage in positive personal development, we have to specifically plan. We look at the basic areas of our lives, and we set a goal or destination. That goal is then used to filter our daily choices and behavior. The major areas of life are:

• Spiritual
• Relationships
• Education
• Health
• Finance

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Do you have goals in these areas? Do you know what you want to achieve or become? Have you ever thought about it? Do you really honestly even care? You don't have to, there's no law that says you do. However, don't think you are "improving" if you simply wake up every day and react to life. You can't engage in "personal development" without specific reason or long term vision.

I'm building a simple online application that I'm going to launch soon that will allow you to track long term and short term objectives in these areas. Very simple, very easy to use. And free.

I'll let you know when it is ready... soon.

What are your questions about goals, personal development and having a long term vision about life?

The New Year is upon us.

Do you have ANY real goals for this year? Written? Specific? Measurable? Attainable? Or are you just going to "exist" through another year of regrets and "could have been's"?

I'm not talking about feel-good New Years Resolutions that won't last the first two weeks. I'm talking real live goals, an overall vision of WHY you want to accomplish, and HOW.

A personal goal, a fitness goal, a financial goal, a spiritual goal....

I have a goal to do something nice for you this week... in the next couple of days I'm going to roll out a simple and easy to use GOALS application that will be FREE and work online. A lot of Goal Setting programs are complicated, full of shiny bells and whistles that make it tedious and time consuming to use.

What people really need is a simple, concise and straight forward FAST way to enter and track goals. I'm basing my system off a proven written form version that my friend Neal uses.

You love it. Look for it within the next few days.

Here was the question:  I’m not sure what I’m doing is really the right path for me but I’m not a quitter. Do you have any thoughts?

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Never, never, never quit. Famous words…. Bad advice.

Well, sometimes bad advice… but most people spout that like it’s the golden rule of success. What should have been said, and most likely what was meant was “never quit something just because it’s hard as long as the outcome is truly beneficial”. In reality, QUITTING is a necessary skill and is an integral part of success in life, business, relationships and spiritual growth.

Good advice is this: learn WHEN to quit, and WHEN NOT to quit. Both are equally valuable skills. Most people quit because they can’t take the short term discomfort or don’t want to pay the price for the goal. That is BAD quitting. However, some people stick it out no matter what simply for the pride of not quitting even when they are headed down a dead-end street. That’s BAD not-quitting.

It Takes Courage to Know When to Quit

Maturity, courage and discernment require us to quit anything that is not going to help us reach the final worthy destination. We also must learn to recognize when the destination is not worthy of the perseverance. In either case, it takes courage to QUIT, and the longer we hold out, the more collateral damage. When we come to the realization that either the final destination is wrong, or our current effort won’t get us to a worthy destination, it takes REAL courage to quit, and quit fast. A lot of people don’t quit though because they don’t want to admit they were wrong, don’t want to endure the pain of quitting, don’t want the uncertainty of quitting, and don’t want to face other’s criticism.

We don’t have to say much about BAD quitters. It speaks for itself. Bad Quitters quit because they are lazy, undisciplined, uncommitted… it originates in all sorts of bad character flaws. You can sum up bad quitting in one phrase: unwilling to pay the price to achieve a worthy end. It’s uncomfortable, hard, “no fun”. Quitting is always wrong in this sense and the “never, never, never quit” applies.

Three Reasons To Quit

1. You realize what you are trying to achieve is either genuinely unachievable, or not worth achieving
2. Changes in circumstances make it legitimately impossible to continue or make progress
3. You are forced to compromise your integrity or relationships to achieve the result

Three Reasons NOT to Quit

1. Don’t quit because of short term difficulty or it’s just too hard
2. Don’t quit because of criticism from others or naysayers
3. Don’t quit based on feelings; make sure you have wise, objective, mature outside advice

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Or is it because of very real reasons that point to “good quitting” such as lack of real progress (and no chance to see any), a change of market conditions or personal situation?

In the end, don’t quit impulsively. Equally important, don’t do the “never, never, never quit” routine out of pride, stubbornness or ignorance. There is bad quitting, and good quitting. Real success is knowing the difference.

What are your questions for me? Leave a comment about one example you’ve had of good quitting, and one mistake you made of bad quitting.

I had a friend tell me tonight that he thought I was really handling the hardships of life with faith, and a peace that passes understanding. I’ve had people say, “I don’t see how you can be so trusting and joyful when your child has cancer…”

I wish I could claim some great level of faith, or a spectacular depth of spiritual maturity. To the contrary, I don’t find it hard at all to trust God, believe in Him, have faith in His care, and KNOW that everything we are going through is being overseen by a Loving God.

What’s the alternative? Hopelessness? Bitterness? Self pity? Blame God? Curse Him? Hate life? If you did nothing but take your only two options (faith/trust/joy vs. bitterness/despair/anger), I’ll take the faith and joy option simply because it’s a better alternative.

However, the real reason I choose joy and trust is because God has proven Himself faithful so many times in the past. Why doubt Him now? Besides, our trials are no harder than anyone else’s trials in PERCEPTION. Hardships are “hard” relative to our life experience.

A person badmouthing you, can devastate some people; it would hardly make my radar. A person could lose a job and become hopeless; it wouldn’t even be much of a bad day at this point in my life. But, that's just because it's relative. It’s not because the person who has endured greater trials is necessarily more faithful or more trusting, they just have a different level of experience. It's not HOW HARD the trial is in reality; it's how hard it feels to us based on our experience, and how we respond to it based where we are at spiritually.

It’s not a badge of honor to have endured more suffering, it’s just “LIFE”. How “hard” a trial is, is relative to our life experience, so we should NEVER trivialize someone who is having a really rough time with something we think is silly or insignificant.

A child breaks down in tears because another kid calls them a name. An NFL football player can get run over, cussed at and chewed out by a coach and it’s all part of his work day. What’s the difference? Life experience.

In the same way, a spiritually young Christian will have a hard time with relatively minor trials while a mature Christian appears to be able to joyfully endure major difficulties. Remember, what matters to God, is not the degree of difficulty of the trial, it’s how we respond to it given where we are at as Christians.

So the baby Christian who responds in kindness to unkind gossip, is just as Godly as the spiritually mature Christian who handles the death of a family member with faith and joy. God is glorified by both. The spiritually younger Christian learns from the spiritually older Christians as they see them deal with suffering. The mature Christians have the duty and joy of being able to model for the less mature, the joy of Christ in the face of hurt, loss and tragedy.

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I wish I could pat myself on the back when someone says, “you are really handling this well, and being a Godly example” but it’s an easy choice given the alternative and after having watched God work through many other trials over the years. Oh, don’t get me wrong… suffering never quits hurting; trials never stop being stressful; sickness and loss never loses its sting. But the choice of faith, joy and trust in God becomes a no brainer after you’ve seen Him at work in the past.

Here are three practical reasons to always trust God, have joy and remain faithful no matter how hard it gets:

1. The alternative is bitterness, anger or hopelessness
2. He’s never failed to keep a promise yet: He won’t start with you
3. You will be setting an example for others (children, friends, family); and they ARE watching whether you like it or not

What are your questions about how to handle the hardships of this life?

It’s amazing the twists, and turns and curves that life throws at you.

This week we gave our child chemo - at home. We pulled out access ports that feed into her heart and then cut off all her hair. We can tell you pretty much all you’d ever want to know about cancer, MRSA, hospitals, insurance, drugs, side effects and IV’s. We’re experts at bleach baths, germ control, antibiotics, infections and isolation contagious kids. We live with kids who are far too educated about medical topics, even a two year old who prays about being sick and getting well every night.

I (Brent) recorded Landis praying tonight. He is only two, and can pray like a long-winded preacher. He doesn’t repeat stuff either. It’s all fresh and new every night. Listen to what I recorded last night... a lot of it is “kid speak” that only a childs’ parents will understand but you’ll hear stuff about tacos, dinner, Ms. Dorothy and Mr. Johnny (our neighbors), MeeMaw and PawPaw, Abby and Sami “get better”, and something about not pooping in his diaper. He’s a HOOT!

If only our own prayers were so simple and sincere. Listen here…

We finally cut Abby’s hair tonight. We had been waiting for HER to say she wanted it, and today she simply asked “Daddy, will you cut my hair off now?” For weeks Abby has been mostly bald. She had just enough hair left to make her look sickly. We knew that she would look better with her hair cut off, but she was holding on tight to those last strands. We didn't push her, just waited until she was ready.

She has known from the start that when her hair was gone, she would get to whack off Daddy's hair. The "prize" was finally enticing enough for her to take the plunge. With low platelets and immunity, we had to be very careful to not nick her head with clippers but Daddy is the family barber, and pretty skilled at it. It was a family event:

Abby did great! Smiled the whole time… loved her new look. Garrett, Christian, Sami and Landis? They all rubbed her head and told her that she was beautiful. Here's a look at her hair since she was diagnosed:

How did Mommy do? Fine in front of Abby, but it is honestly a very sad day for me (Michelle). I am thankful that she is beautiful with and without hair. But, it is a very visual reminder of just how sick our precious daughter is.

Abby has very tough day today (Monday). She gets two shots of a thick liquid in her legs. She hates them and they are legitimately very painful. She is also supposed to get the chemo that makes her muscles very weak and her legs hurt. We have tough decisions about how MUCH chemo to give her; balancing between killing the aggressive cancer, and not making her so sick she will die from it. Please pray for God’s guidance for us.

Along with being “at home doctors”, we are also now experts witnesses of the kindness of Christian love. The list of charity and care for our family could go on and on but here’s a few samples:

• Meals every night for the past two months (do you have any idea how much time, money, driving and emotional energy this saves us?)
• Money for gas and food
• Help with medical bills
• Frozen food and snacks for the kids
• Vitamin supplements and nutritional items
• It looks like some kind friends are going to replace the carpet with wood floors in the side of the house where Abby sleeps to cut down on the germs and allergens
• Baby sitters whenever we need it
• Family members helping in any way we ask
• Christians from all over the country sending Abby gifts, and raising money for various needs like hair pieces, hats and supplies

That’s not to mention the COUNTLESS numbers of prayers that have been lifted up on our behalf. It is abundantly clear that God answers prayers and that we have been the recipient of His provision, grace and mercy on a grand scale.

And yet, as I (Brent) write this, I’m reminded that normal life goes on as a stinkin’ fly is relentlessly tormenting me. Every time I grab the fly swatter he takes off, then as soon as I get back to this post, he attacks me again. Ironically, it is a reminder that life simply goes on, and the typical, routine, ordinary things that need attention, still need attention.

Now, I’ve got to go kill this Rambo-fly-on-steroids before it drives me crazy.

Oh, before I go… it’s “Magazine Monday”. Take a moment and nominate one of your blog posts (or someone else’s) or some other article to be published in Serious.Life Magazine on November 1st. It appears we are going to be in front of a very, very large audience this month.

Click here for details about Magazine Monday…

You are a blessing and we can only pray that God will use us to communicate His goodness as He showers us with continued opportunities for faith. Please pray for us as we face difficult decisions about Abby's treatment, and provision for the medical and household expenses.