Today has been one of those days...

There are times in life when you are glad that SOMETHING or SOMEONE remains the same, and gives you an anchor point, a reference, something you can count on.

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. (NKJV)

"...with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." That phrase cannot be applied to anyone but God. Good times, bad times, boring times, chaos... God never changes. He is always perfect, always looking out for us, always caring, always working out His will in our lives.

Today has been one of those days...

My son comes home from school wearing a leg immobilizer. He blew out his knee in football and will have to go to the doctor tomorrow.

Abby went back in the hospital today and will have surgery this week to put a feeding tube in. She is losing weight quickly and she'll never survive the chemo if we can't get her body weight and strength up (short of God intervening).

My Mom called tonight. Her last remaining family member (brother) was taken to the hospital only to find extensive brain cancer that will kill him in short order. Bless her heart, she just went through breast cancer herself this year. It's got to be very tough to see the last of your immediate family pass away. (the picture right is my uncle Robert and his son, Michael)

I've had the pleasure of a migraine all day while trying to deal with all this.

Today has been one of those days...

I'm not whining, or wanting sympathy. I debated about even writing this, because I don't want people to think I'm having a pity party or playing the "why me?" game. I'm not. In fact, I'm always quite aware that no matter how bad life gets, there are always countless people who have it much, much worse. And often, their misery lasts an entire lifetime.

As I read through the book of James tonight, head throbbing, I was pulled back to the comfort of knowing that God never changes, there is no variation in Him. It doesn't matter what life throws at us. Whether boredom or the trials of Job (the book of Job in the Bible), God doesn't waiver.

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He's not busy somewhere else. He's not distracted. He's not wishy-washy. He's not multi-tasking (like humans who have to divide their time). God is capable of 100% attention on every single thing in our life. That's one of the irreconcilable truths that only Christians get to benefit from. We can lift millions of prayers, and encounter myriads of problems, and yet, God knows and cares about each one specifically, for each and every one of His children.

Life changes. Family changes. Friends change. Countries change. The world changes. Not God.

If you're having a hard day, if things are in turmoil, if life seems to be pressing you from all sides, let the words of the Bible sink in about God:

"...with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning". NO variation. NO moving shadows. NO illusion. NO smoke and mirrors.

God never changes... and that is the one and only Truth we can count on in this life.

Today has been one of those days... but God was still the same.

Last night I was rocking Abby at the hospital and got to sit next to my wife for a few minutes which has become a rare event lately.

Abby is just not the same kid right now. Oh, I think she will return to her old self after all this is over, but right now she hardly resembles herself. She is on so much medication, is in so much pain, endures so much discomfort, is poked, stuck, taped and scrubbed all day long… her emotions are raw, her feelings are exhausted and her patience is non-existent.

Though we have never stopped “parenting” her, if you were to visit her right now, she would probably come across as grouchy, impatient and even demanding. We fight the gentle but necessary battle of requiring her to be polite, of not giving into her every request, making her obey and be “nice” but it does not undo the effects of continual pain and medication.

It’s a very difficult balance to ask a suffering THREE YEAR OLD have the self control and emotional discipline of an adult… teaching her to ignore her own pain so as not to be “ugly” and impatient to those around her.

I personally, have some understanding of how she feels. I deal with extremely painful migraine headaches, and when they are most severe, I’m “not myself”. I struggle to have ANY patience, everything and everyone is very agitating, my emotions are RAW and I probably seem like the biggest jerk on the planet to my poor dear wife. All I can do is hide under a pillow and TRY not to be impossible to live with. My saint of a wife understands and is very patient knowing how much the pain is affecting me.

But Abby is THREE! She doesn’t have adult experience, adult self-control or adult understanding of “pain”. It’s just heartbreaking to have to get on to her to “be nice”, be patient, and be polite knowing that the constant pain and discomfort is distorting her personality causing her to act completely different than normal. We still do it, but it just rends your heart.

As I was holding Abby last night, seeing she was not herself because of the suffering, I thought about how many times in my life I may have thought someone was being a “jerk” when maybe they were enduring some trial themselves. I remembered many people who would have appeared to be unkind had I not realized how much stress or pain they were in. I recalled times when people were impatient and unloving only to discover something awful had occurred in their life. I was reminded of this common story you’ve probably heard:

A woman and her children board a commuter train. The children were unruly and cranky, crying and angry. The woman appeared oblivious to her misbehaving brood much to the irritation of the other travelers. Why didn’t she get those kids under control? How could she just sit there while those bratty kids ruined the trip for everyone else? Why didn’t she stop their fussing and crying? It was obvious that she wasn’t a good parent and several passengers made sure she knew how they felt about it.

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What the others didn’t know, was the woman and her four annoying kids had recently lost their husband-father in a car crash. They were on their way to a shelter because they would now have no way of supporting themselves. Two of the kids were sick, one of them needed an operation. They had no home, no insurance, no support. The normally very attentive, good mother just wasn’t herself that day because of what was happening to her family.

As I rocked Abby last night, and had to gently get on to her a couple of times for being grouchy and impatient, I was vividly reminded that often the irritating person I encounter could be a suffering person; that impolite, impatient person that just made me mad might be dealing with unbearable stress or tragedy; that demanding “jerk” I just dealt with may be handling with the most awful circumstances they have ever encountered. You never know.

Yes, I know there are a lot of bad parents, bratty kids and selfish jerks out there in the world. But I also know there are a LOT of hurting people. When I see my own sweet little daughter, normally patient and loving, struggle with being grouchy and demanding because of her pain, I am motivated to make sure I view others with sympathetic eyes and look for “hurt” before I assume “jerk”.

I have written alot lately about how kind everyone has been to us and how much our Christian family has supported us through Abby's bout with cancer. Sometimes I feel guilty that we are receiving so much love and help when I know there are so many people who have not experienced the same reaction from their Christian family.

I've received some emails from people telling me that they have experienced, or are experiencing a grievous crisis, and they are all but ignored by their Christian family. There is no intention to make us feel guilty about being helped, they just feel discouraged and let down not to receive the same. I can feel the sadness and frankly, I don't have any magic answers for them.

The fact is, I've been on both sides. I remember one point in my life when something extremely heartbreaking occurred and my life was dumped upside down. I mean torn apart from all sides. Even though I part of a large church that I had been very active in, you would have thought I was a leper at that point. The loneliest part of my week was in the midst of a thousand other Christians on Sunday morning when I was avoided because of "comfort". What I mean is, nobody knew what to say to me. My situation was uncomfortable and awkward. To not say anything would feel heartless, and to keep bringing the situation up over and over would be pointless. So I was avoided.

I went for weeks and heard from virtually no one except for the occasional obligatory "check in". When I ran into someone they would apologize and tell me how much they had been "meaning to call me". I don't really fault them for it, I'm not sure I would have been any different.

In fact, I wonder how many people I've neglected over the years, avoiding help because I was too busy, or it was an uncomfortable situation. I don't know the answer to that, but I would be surprised if I've not been guilty of it more than once simply because I know how easy it is to "turn off" our mind towards something we really don't want to deal with, or invest in. Think about that before passing over it too quickly: it is easy to "turn off" our minds towards someone or some situation that is hard, uncomfortable, unpopular or time consuming. We avoid having to consciously say "no, I don't want to help" by simply not allowing ourselves to be reminded of it, or saying "later", or saying "I'm not sure...".

I struggle with not having answers for people who are experiencing isolation or being ignored by other Christians (either in reality or perception). I don't even know "why" except that human nature being what it is gives us some guesses:

• Maybe their church is not very loving or spiritual,or too caught up in programs and activity to invest in people privately
• Maybe those in need aren't "important" enough to be noticed or helped. I've often seen situations where the Pastor or someone notable is showered with help and support while others are neglected.
• Of course this type of favoritism is hated by God, but human nature leans people in this direction sometimes without even notice
• Maybe the folks needing help are perpetually in a crisis of their own making and people are worn out helping or see no point
• Maybe the needs are not well known, and those needing help are assuming people should just "know" what they need
• Perhaps people don't know how to respond to or approach a very uncomfortable situation and it's easier to just avoid it
• Could be that a church is "cliquish" and people are left out who aren't in the "right group"
• Sometimes people are chronic "takers" and never help other people, always expecting to be the recipient of benevolence

It's really hard to state any definitive reason, but the fact is irrefutable: many people feel isolated, forgotten and unloved in the one place where that should NEVER occur: the Lord's Church.

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I've felt loneliness, isolation and avoidance when I thought I was an integral, active, loved part of a Christian group. At other times, like now, I've felt overwhelmed with love, prayers, support and practical help from every corner of my life. We've received cards, letters, encouragement, prayers, food, financial help, babysitting and every other kind of practical blessing both from those we are close to, those we have known only a short time and those we have never even met. It is a blessing beyond our ability to communicate adequately. We feel humbled and undeserving of such a blessing.

But... it makes me deeply, deeply sad for those who I know are reading this and thinking "I wish my Christians friends cared for us that way."

I don't have any magic answers, or guilt trips, or rah-rah speeches that will solve it all. All I can do is encourage each person to embrace the command that "by our love, the world will know we belong to Christ", and use that motivation to find someone truly in need, and show them you belong to Jesus (John 13:35).

Why do you think some people feel lonely and forgotten by other Christians? How do we fix that?

Have you ever just felt tired? I mean really, really tired, physically and emotionally?

I was consumed today with the feeling of being tired, and just wishing our current situation would be over with. It just seems like a never ending treadmill of hospitals, doctors, medications, insurance, bills, complications, unexpected side effects, trying to keep up with work, taking care of the other children, never seeing my wife (it seems), getting little sleep….

Occasionally the toll of it all wears on me and instead of focusing on the task at hand, I find myself sighing deeply, wishing that it would all go away, and things would go back to normal (whatever that is…).

I don’t really think this falls into the category of “pity party”, it’s just a natural result of the monotony and physical stress that accompanies such times of long term difficulty. There is no crisis of faith, no thoughts of giving up, no entertaining of “why me?” whining. Just tired…

We are surrounded with loving friends and family, and a WONDERFUL Christian family who have prayed for us, fed us and helped us in any way they could. I don’t see how people get through such times without the support and prayers of Godly people. It must feel almost impossible, and hopeless. I am constantly overwhelmed at the graciousness and kindness of our Christian family across the world and it is a tangible example of “they will know you are Christians by your love for each other”. (read 1^st John)

So there I was feeling extremely tired today, missing my wife (she’s been at the hospital for 10 days), missing Abby, slightly sick myself, trying to figure out how to handle it all when I opened the Bible to continue my study of James. Here was the verse I read in God’s perfect timing:

James 1:12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

It is amazing how God gives us just the right encouragement at just the right time. If a “crown of life” awaits our successful endurance of a trial, then how much easier does that trial become? Think about it…

What if I told you “don’t eat for three days, and I’ll give you a million dollars”? That three days would be not only doable, but ENJOYABLE, because you knew what the reward is. That is a shallow analogy but it does help us understand. A million dollars is garbage compared to an eternal crown of life. Dwelling on that truth, our trials become a source of reward and anticipation knowing that we will receive a priceless eternal treasure for our faithfulness. Weariness turns to joy, fatigue turns to praise, discouragement turns to anticipation.

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Part of me wishes I never succumbed to feeling “tired” and wishing it would all go away… it feels like a failure or character flaw. However, notice that it is the trial or temptation that is ENDURED, not AVOIDED, that is rewarded in this particular Scripture. Part of what you endure is the emotional difficulties that accompany physical trials. It is not feeling discouraged that is a problem, it’s GIVING IN to discouragement, and giving up. It’s not the struggle of weariness that is a failure but the failure to accept that God is the rewarder of those who keep the faith.

This is the blessing of knowing God… one Bible verse turns discouragement to joy, difficulty to praise… “emotional fatigue” to thankfulness.

It’s after midnight, and I am actually am tired now, that natural kind that needs rest, so I’m going to get some sleep. However, I’m going to do it with renewed joy and thankfulness for the opportunity of faith that God has given us through this difficult time.

A person visited our blog and left a comment :

"A sick child is not your personal opportunity to use them to learn about your God!"

I won't bother talking about the fact that this person has little, if any, understand about God ("your God"?) since the downside to that is already obvious. There's so much wrong and disturbing with the comment, it’s hard to know where to start talking about it, and I hesitated even writing about it at all. But in the end, it represents a good opportunity to teach, and that’s what I do.

We didn’t ask for her to be sick SO we could learn about God.

The readers’ comment makes it sound as if we opportunistically wanted Abby to get sick so we could use her as an object lesson. At best, it sounds as if we are opportunistically using her sickness for own benefit now. Either consideration is beyond both cruel and devoid of discernment.

I choose to believe that the writer didn’t mean it that way but it leaves us with a clear lesson:

Lesson 1: When people are experiencing intense situations, be EXTRA careful with opinions and declarative statements. They will be hard to interpret and often will come across as uncaring and clueless even if you didn’t mean them to sound that way.

Lesson 2: Email and blogs allow us to say things we normally wouldn’t say if we were staring them in the face (false bravery or assertiveness). Always ask yourself “would I say this directly to them?” But you have to answer that HONESTLY.

By using ALL situations to learn, we help others, and help ourselves.

It is not only wise of Christians, but of ALL people, to use every situation to learn, grow and help others. Whether it is a joyful, sensational blessing or a crushing trial, the mature person inherently looks for what can be learned from the experience, and how that knowledge can be passed on to family, friends and observers.

The “good” in suffering is lost when it is not used to learn more about life, learn more about God and learn more about yourself. To secret away those experiences and lessons learned are to rob other people of something that could help them too.

Lesson 3: A circumstance that is not learned from, is a circumstance partially endured in vain and wasted.

Lesson 4: A lesson learned not passed on to others is first of all selfish, and secondly, degrades the value of lesson learned directly by those involved.

We insult both God and the suffering when we do not honor their suffering by examining our own lives and using what we learn and experience to help others.

We all suffer. It is a fact of life. Whether health issues, financial, relationships or “acts of God”, we all suffer. It’s not a question of “if” but “when” and “how often”. When we suffer, or someone near to us suffers, that suffering is made vain when we do not make an effort to learn from it, make an effort to grow from it, make an effort to become better people because of it and make an effort to see how that situation can be used to minister and bless others.

It has been the WORSE situations in my life that have given me the tools and experience to really help people. It is through suffering, loss, tragedy and crisis that spiritually mature people learn the great lessons of life, develop compassion for others and gain an eternal perspective.

What and insult to Abby for us to hole up and lament her illness and keep to ourselves what we learn about God as we struggle through this storm. What an insult to God to be silent about what He is teaching us and fail to proclaim publicly all the ways His hand can be seen through what is happening.

Lesson 5: our trials and suffering have meaning and purpose when we learn more about God, then teach what we’ve learned to others, and allow those lessons to transform us (more compassionate, more trusting, more caring, etc.)

Every circumstance GOOD or BAD should be an opportunity to discover God.

What is life if it is not growing, learning and discovering more about God? Nobody WANTS to suffer but it’s unavoidable. How much of the “gold” of life is left unmined when we fail to see EVERY circumstance as a chance to learn and serve?

Without doubt, there are times when people exploit suffering and tragedy. So there is a fine line of discernment, integrity and purpose between communicating for God’s glory and genuine personal growth… or communicating for selfish personal benefit or attention.

Lesson 6: every circumstance should be an opportunity to discover God, and then share that discovery for the blessing it can be to others.

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Far from being opportunistic, or “using” Abby’s situation for attention, we want her suffering to be honored by allowing it to draw others to God, teaching them to depend on Him by seeing His hand at work in her life. We want people to grow, have more faith, and have hope in THEIR difficult situation by reading about the hope we have in ours.

Of course Abby is not old enough to articulate it, but do you really think she would say “no Daddy… don’t talk about me to others. I don’t want them to be helped in any way because of what I’m going through.” Please…

Suffering is a fact. It’s how we suffer, what we learn from suffering, and then how we bless others through our suffering that is the real choice between “hopeless, useless suffering” and turning suffering into an “opportunity of life”.

Below is a list I wrote a few years ago with some of the reasons of how tough times become times of blessing. If you read this and think that using suffering as an opportunity for growth is still “opportunistic” then I am deeply sorrowful that your suffering will be without hope because of your empty view of it. For the rest of you, I hope you’ll print this list, and refer to it when your own times of trouble come. It is a great source of comfort and blessing:

1. To produce the fruit of patience Rom. 5:3; James 1:3-4; Heb. 10:36

o Through adversity Christians learn the blessing of long-suffering and delayed gratification.

2. To produce the fruit of joy Ps. 30:5; 126:5-6

o It is easy to be joyful when times are good but you have authentic rejoicing when you experience it through suffering.

3. To produce the fruit of maturity Eccles. 7:3; 1 Pet. 5:10

o Through affliction we discover the true reality of living in a sin cursed world. When we endure suffering with the attitude of Jesus Christ we are perfected, established and strengthened.

4. To produce the fruit of righteousness Heb. 12:11

o Adversity, when responded to according to God's word, will train us to be righteous and holy.

5. To silence the devil Job 1:9, 10, 20-22

o God permits suffering and when we respond to it in a Christlike manner the accusations of Satan against us will be in vain.

6. To teach us Ps. 119:67, 71

o The more we suffer the more God's word becomes real to us and the less we will stray from obeying the Lord. It then becomes a good thing that we have suffered because it has resulted in increased Godliness.

7. To purify our lives Job 23:10; Ps. 66:10-12; Isa. 1:25; 48:10; Prov. 17:3; 1 Pet. 1:7

o God tests, strengthens and purifies us through affliction. Our faith is much more precious than anything the world can offer and like pure gold it is refined in the fires of suffering.

8. To make us like Christ Heb. 12:9, 10; 1 Pet. 4:12-13; Phil. 3:10; 2 Cor. 4:7-10

o As we suffer, we come to understand and better relate to the suffering that Jesus endured on our behalf. Through persecution and affliction we are conformed into the image of Christ manifesting through our bodies a living example of Christ's sacrifice for us.

9. To glorify God Ps. 50:15; John 9:1-3; 11:1-4; 21:18-19; Phil. 1:19-20

o Every time we respond to suffering with a Godly attitude, we bring glory to God in such an unselfish manner that it directs attention solely to God, and not to us.

10. To prevent us from sinning 2 Cor. 12:7, 9-10

o God may permit us to suffer in order to keep us humble and to keep us from the sin of self-exaltation.

11. To make us confess when we do sin Judg. 10:6-7, 15-16; Ps. 32:3-5; Hos. 5:15; 6:1; 2 Chron. 15:3-4

o There will be times when God uses suffering to force us to confront our sin and confess it. Enduring the effects of a sin cursed world heightens our awareness of sin and deepens our understanding of just how truly awful sin really is.

12. To chasten us for our sin 1 Pet. 4:17

o Suffering may often times be a direct result of our own personal sin and God may be chastising us for it. Adversity motivates us to carefully examine our lives for holiness and devotion.

13. To prove our sonship Heb. 12:5-6

o Adversity is like an identification badge for the Christian. Scripture clearly says, "that whom the Lord loves He chastens". So any time that you suffer you can be sure of two things: that you belong to the Lord, and that He loves you.

14. To reveal ourselves to ourselves Job 42:6; Luke 15:18

o When the pressure is on you can be sure that what is deep down inside of a person will come boiling to the top. When you squeeze a lemon, you get lemon juice. There is no way to fake what you are truly all about when you are under great stress or enduring significant adversity. You can be sure that what you are genuinely made of will surface not only for you to see but also for everyone around you to see.

15. To help our prayer life Isa. 26:16

o There is no doubt that affliction helps our prayer life. For most people greater suffering equals greater prayer.

16. To become an example to others 2 Cor. 6:4-5; 1 Thess. 1:6-7

o When we respond to adversity in a Godly manner it provides a living example for all those who observe us.

17. To qualify us as counselors Rom. 12:15; Gal. 6:2; 2 Cor. 1:3-5

o There is nothing like real-life experience to qualify you as a teacher. It is an academic exercise at best to proclaim truths that you have not lived and experienced.

18. To further the gospel witness Acts 8:1-5; 16:25-34; Phil. 1:12-13; 2 Tim. 4:6-8, 16-17

o By enduring suffering with a Godly attitude we participate in validating the power of the Gospel. When another person sees you rejoicing in the midst of affliction they can't help but wonder where you derive the power for such a response.

19. To make us more than conquerors 2 Cor. 2:14; Rom. 8:35, 37

o As God proves faithful to see us through adversity we become more and more confident about the things of God. We become increasingly victorious over sin and "more than conquerors".

20. To give us insight into God's nature Job 42:5; Rom. 8:14-15, 18

o Through suffering we know more about God and His purposes. We better understand His attributes, His nature and His sovereignty.

21. To drive us closer to God 1 Pet. 4:14; 2 Cor. 12:10

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22. To prepare us for a greater ministry 1 Kings 17-18; John 12:24

o Like the potter's clay that is worked and reworked, or the lump of dough that is kneaded until soft and blended, affliction breaks us down, makes us soft and prepares us to be used by the Lord.

23. To provide for us a reward Matt. 5:10-12; 19:27-29; Rom. 8:16-17; 2 Cor. 4:17

o It is a wondrous truth that God permits us to suffer for His glory and yet it turns out to be an incredible blessing for us, not only in this lifetime, but also through the eternal reward we will receive in Heaven.

24. To prepare us for the kingdom 2 Thess. 1:5; 2 Tim. 2:12

o Suffering prepares us for our eternal life with God. It conditions us, trains us and equips us to reign with Christ forever and ever.

25. To show God's sovereignty Rom. 8:28; 1 Cor. 10:13; Ps. 66:10-12; Gen. 45:5-8; 50:20

o The suffering Christian is a tangible demonstration of God's sovereignty, who in His infinite wisdom can take all things (good and bad) and work them together for His ultimate glory and eternal purpose.